I've been trying to lay my head down / But I'm writing this at 3am

oh god

i don't know

what to do

with myself

most of the time

i'm exhausted

everything is so..

intense.

what i feel

intense.

what i think

intense.

i pinch myself

i squeeze my hands

i clench my fist

too hard

my nails

dig into my palms

just so i

could feel

something else.

i think i love

something

too much

it hurts.

so love

is a feeling?

but what is

feeling

anyway?

is a spell?

is a flavor?

is real?

a magic trick?

is that it???

how could u

feel

so deeply

it's just

a bag of flesh.

how could u

miss

so deeply

but it's right there

beside u.

when i wake up

too early

i hear

the heartbeat

on the other side,

it's alive

it weirds me out.

so i wake up

too early

i see

the pulse

pulsating,

it's alive

it weirds me out.

i look up

every pores

every strand

of the facial hair

i study it

a map

but i got lost

in it

i hope

i master

it all

soon.





oh





could

you

please




just



hurt


me.