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Showing posts from May, 2015

Catfish itu ikan lele kan? Makannya makan tai.

So.. I've been catfished guys.
Gak ada itu Nicholas Eisenberg. Adanya Nicholas Asper, dan doi straight. Bukan di Seattle tapi di Texas. Bukan umur 21 tapi 20. Doi bukan bule bekasi, tapi orang Jakarta tinggal di Pancoran. Yha.
Suatu malam Ardy ngasih unjuk gue instagram Nico yang asli. (thank you Ardy *peluk* eeee) Itu yang namanya jantung mencelos sampai ke pantat rasanya. I confronted him and he said, "how'd you find out..." BOOM.
Long story short. Gue marah. Pasti. Sudah sewajarnya. Gue sedih. Pasti. Sudah sewajarnya. Gue lega. Nah ini yang gue bingung. Rasanya kayak sejuta beban di bahu gue melayang hilang kayak balon gas lepas. Sedih pasti ya... tapi rasanya lebih kayak... uhm... I thought that I got something to be excited about, 5 or 7 yrs from now. A happy ending or some sort. Turned out there's nothing. Well, okay, that's sad, of course I'll have something to be excited about, but I gotta make my own ending. Lagipula dari awal gue tahu ini semua …

*pressing self destruct button - furiously* aaaaand goddammit!!! It's broken.

Jadi gue lupa untuk datang ke acara tunangan teman baik gue sendiri.
Gak butuh indikasi lagi, gue emang bukan teman yang baik.
I let people down, heck, I let myself down.

Undangan dikasih dua minggu lalu,
dan enggak ada bahasan apa apa lagi soal itu sama sekali.
Semalam gue terbangun jam lima pagi karena badan gue gatal gatal,
lalu saat gue berusaha tidur lagi, kepala gue terlanjur bekerja.
Gue melamun.
Sudah Senin lagi aja... dan... acara tunangan Ica itu Sabtu kapan ya.
Kemudian gue lihat kembali undangannya dan jantung gue mencelos.
How could... o god.
Turned out I'm the only of that's invited.
Selain keluarga ya maksudnya...
Ha.

All's good now, but.
I don't feel good.

Dan Nico... o well, I tried my best.
I really did. And I deserved a fucking pat on my back.
*pat* It's not me, it's not you, it's the circumstances.
Universe has a seriously fucked up sense of humor.
Kemarin itu saudara teman meninggal karena keselek pas makan steak.
Ya... It's kinda f…

all i wanna do is gunshot gunshot cash register noise

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Setelah seminggu ngorek ngorek soal beasiswa, sekolah, dan lainnya..
Gue naksir dengan Illustration School di Kyoto Seika University, but boy it's super expensive.
Groningen dengan Reba tampaknya terlalu ambisius buat gue. I mean, academic english... *gulp*
bagaimana ceritanya gue nulis essay pula.
Liberal Arts di Doshisha University, The Institute of Liberal Arts juga menarik, tapi ya gitu...
Dan master degree dimanapun itu, bahasannya membosankan untuk gue (._.  )
Akhirnya gue memutuskan... mungkin... summer course aja?
Dan gue menemukan Japanese Language summer course, gausah ditanya, gue sangat sangat tertarik. Pagi sampai siang belajar Japanese kemudian lots of activities seperti how to make Japanese sweets or... Japanese tea ceremony... I'm sold. It's Japan for god's sake. My dream destination.
Course nya 1-7 minggu, biaya seminggunya kurang lebih 3.000.000,-
Belum biaya dorm nya yang seminggu kurang lebih 2.000.000,-
Dan oh, tiket pulang pergi dan biaya hidupnya…

broken bahasa makes me go uwuwu and awawa... pt. 2 / dreaming is free.

"bachot kamu."
"i hate 'hehe'"
"nyebelin elo. emang gue elo! jk... udah ah aku tidur."
"KAMU ITU RAKUS MAKANAN NYA KAMU KAYAK HAMSTER DISIMPAN DI TEMBEM PIPI."
"hati hati ada hantu."
"handu."
"o whatever"
"kamu nyebelin. gemas. i want to live inside you. hahahaha. the fuck did i just say. aku coba tidur lagi okay"
"apa bahasa indonesia raksasa?"
"raksasa itu giant benar kan?"
"aku sudah minum air minum"
"I THINK SYAHRINI SUITS HER PERFECTLY"
"kamu yg evil gendut."
"kamu mau alasan ngambek karena apa?!"
"tidak usah perpanjangan"
"iya aku tahu. tidak sangkalah kamu bisa begitu."
"kenapa apa aku salah bilang pada hanya kedua orang teman tentang kamu?"
"aku merasa persalahan kalau begini"
"*bersalahan*
"iya bacot"
"bacot itu kasar ya?"
"aku pikir bacot itu *conch emoji*"…

"water off a duck's back."

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I was startled by my own shadow earlier in the kitchen. I'm so jumpy lately.
Tidur enggak nyenyak, terbangun lagi dan lagi.
I'm feeling uneasy aaaaaaall the time.
Gue bahkan gak merasa lapar.
What is wrong with me.

And I miss Nico so much.
Yes, we're talking again.
"We'll talk once in a while okay?" he said.
Thank god. Thank... god.
(I'm not complaining. This is good enough for me)
But of course we're not talking all the time like before,
because, you know... time difference and we do have our own life. *dry laughs*
Tadi siang (atau malam) kita meninggalkan pembicaraan agak tidak enak sih.
He was with his friends, I guess... and I asked him if he told his friends about me.
And he said that he only has a few best friends, so.. satu atau dua orang sepertinya.
Ya, kemudian gue parno. I mean, I'm afraid that he might wake up one day and thinks that this, whatever this is we're doing, isn't real.
And I think I was just trying to find.. entahlah…

"doomed from the start, we met with a goodbye kiss"

Foto kamu dengan mum, aku senang lihatnya. Finally, I can see your teeth. Hehe. Your mum is really pretty. And.. you're really tall. Kurasa tinggi aku sama dengan mum, tepat di bahu kamu.
I miss you so fucking much. I want to say hey but we both know it's not a good idea. It's kinda silly really, we're the only people there, and we keep on checking out each other and yet we don't say anything. But it's kinda comforting, you know, to know.. that you're there.
ANYWAY.. setelah berjuta juta kali kudengarkan playlist dari kamu, a few stand out tracks, yang aku benar benar suka.. Tourist - Yuna Save Me - Irma (THIS) Nuit 17 a 52 - Christine and the Queens (THISS) Dust is Gone - Mo TV in Black and White - Lana Del Rey (THIS) Cross the River on Your Own - Mew (THISS) Goodbye Kiss - Kasabian (THISS) Someone New - Banks I'll Never Forget You - Birdy
Christine and the Queens, Mew, and Kasabian are on repeat!
"someday. someday when I'm rich and have a dece…

"So I'll go but we know I'll see you down the line. And we'll hate what we've lost but we'll love what we'll find."

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So he's gone now.
He said his goodbyes.

Setelah gue jadi sayang beneran.
Setelah dia ngagetin gue dengan abs nya.
Padahal gue cuma mau lihat belly button nya. Gue pikir dia gembul tembem dengan treasure trail... gataunya... yang membuat gue semakin yakin kalau gue lagi dikerjain semesta.

I made him a playlist.
"Your playlist... it's awesome and heartbreaking. I can hear you in every song."
Boleh ya gue mengagumi dan bangga dengan playlist buatan gue sendiri. Hahahaha.
He drew this for me...


Okay, just... bear with me.
Semoga wallowing kali ini gak sampai setahun ya...

I hate you, Nico.






- - -

So I went out last night, hung out with a friend of mine.
He bought a few bottles of vintage wine.
I told him that I don't think I can understand what a good wine is.
Dan beneran aja, gue tetep gak doyan. Blegh.
But I drank it anyway. Gulp gulp gulp the pain away.
Sambil sok ngerti dan sok iya saat dia nyuruh gue beginikan wine nya begitukan wine nya.
Apalah... rasanya sepet …

broken bahasa makes me go uwuwu and awawa...

"I can speak bahasa. not fluent though" "I told you i'm an alien. i'm from bekasi." "ok let's just talk in bahasa so you can see how smart i am now." "cibabur/cibubar. something like that." "kutang? debt?" "btw i asked my mum about kutang :'D" "okay so today aku bicara bahasa ya." "aku malu." "deg deg an?" "HAHAHA. deg deg an. oh well i learned something today." "terimakasih tembem untuk mengajar aku bahasa indonesia." "apakah bahasaku berantakan? :(" "nyut nyutan? sama seperti deg degan?" "hmmm. marina and the diamonds. lykke li. tinashe. zaskia gotik." "itu gambar bagus!" "apa itu kawin lari? running wedding?" "brewok? apa itu? animals?" "oh i see. aku pikir nama binatang." "are you bete?" "kamu kepala keras :(" "kepala keras! aku lebih suka kepala keras" &quo…

Movie Journal - Apr 2015 (4)

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Iya cuma nonton 4 (._.  )
Minta maaf sama diri sendiri ayo!!
Maaf...

- Castaway on the Moon (Lee Hae-Jun, 2015)


Filmnya unyu banget! Sekilas ngingetin gue dengan Tokyo! segmen Shaking Tokyo. Laki laki yang gagal bunuh diri malah terdampar di pulau kecil di tengah sungai dan berusaha tinggal disana. Di sisi sebelah sana, cewek hikikomori ngamatin dia pakai teleskop seakan akan dia alien. Quirky and well acted. Sukak!!!
- Les Chanson d'Amour (Cristophe Honore, 2007)


Serius deh, european itu sangat nyaman dengan sexuality mereka ya. Gue salut.
- Blue Ruin (Jeremy Saulnier, 2014)

Biasa, cerita balas dendam, tapi sumpah ini seru banget. Lezat dan gambarnya cantik!!! SUKAAA.
- Away We Go (Sam Mendes, 2009)


Manisnya astaga. Sepanjang film banyak quotable moments. Walaupun filmnya gak kemana mana, ini film yang lo bakalan nikmatin aja prosesnya.
John Krasinski manis manis annoying dan optimis, maya Rudolph lebih ke realistis gitu.
Maggie Gyllenhaal sinting sumpah.

Udah.

Movie of the monthnya.…