ctrl+alt+del

Sejak kapan deh gue jadi gak berani sendirian? I used to love solitude. Sekarang, saat gue sendirian gue langsung panik dan cari-cari orang untuk ketemu. Gue akan gunakan alasan untuk ketemu, buat dengerin curhatan mereka, catch up, apapun. Mungkin alasannya gak sepenuhnya tulus. Mungkin sesungguhnya gue gak terlalu peduli sama masalah mereka. I'm not really sure, nor I try to analyze it anyway. It's selfish, I know. Pokoknya, I just need a company. All I know is, I don't want to be alone with myself. Bagus gak ada. Azzam gak ada. Gue langsung scroll Line, Whatsapp, Instagram, contact lists, berusaha cari siapapun yang kira-kira keberadaannya bisa bikin gue nyaman, seenggaknya sampai Bagus atau Azzam available. Ada yang menolak, sibuk, dingin, enggak bilang ya enggak bilang enggak, etc. Dan saat itulah gue sadar gue hilang pegangan. Gue merasa benar-benar kesepian. Dan saat itu suara di kepala makin kenceng. Look Cavin, everyone's going somewhere. Everyone has something to tend to. Bagus punya to do list kantor yang sangat banyak, things to delegate to, things to be done. Azzam punya his own to do list juga, future projects and prospects, also sets of friends to meet to. Your other friends.. don't get me started. What do YOU have?

What do I have.

Wipe that grin off your face.