Oma, I always thought that once you were a hippie :)




~bad news
My grandma just passed away this morning,
I cried all the time and by noon, I decided to stay calm and let it go.
She's resting now, she's not sick anymore. She's in peace. So what's left to cry about?
Mourn was inevitable. But I guess that's a part of life. Who says life is beautiful?
Thank God, it all happened so fast.

~white coffin
Just when I walked toward her white coffin,
I saw her face and she's smiling. I swear, she's smiling. Goodness!!!
So I decided to hold her hand,
and it was... so cold.
The next thing I knew, tears were bursting down my cheeks. Breathless.
My dad stood beside me and he was crying and murmuring - didn't help.

~familiar faces
One thing I hate the most is how all my family members told and shared the same or different stories of how I spent my childhood with her. I just couldn't stand it, my heart's breaking.
Or when my aunt showed me her purse, she opened it and there it was, an old stained and yellowish photo of me as a kid.
I did smile - nod - and try to hold back my tears.

~reminisce
She was there, my entire childhood. Now she's gone, it's odd.
I used to follow her, even to the toilet 'cause I was scared of Adzhan Maghrib.
She was there when I had chicken pox.
She cooked the best meal, though she used a lot of garlic.
She- she was always there. Now she's gone, it's odd.

~little me, they said
So I had a little cousin, he's 4 y/o.
He's so cheerful and innocent. He said some stuffs like how my grandma will wake up soon, that she's just sleeping, and he sang beside her coffin.
She and everyone else kept telling me about the strong resemblances between me and him.
Every time she told me about him, it seemed like her eyes were drifting away, waaaay back, remembering us, together.
"Dia suka duduk kayak kamu tuh, yang kakinya dilipet kaya orang Jepang!"
"Dia sama banget sama kamu, suka makanin keju!"
"Oma pikir, 'duh nih anak kok mirip banget sama si Cavin'!"
et cetera et cetera...
Funny thing, my little cousin came to me today and said,
"Ko Cavin, kata Oma alis Han-han mirip sama alis Ko Cavin."
- then I squeezed him so tight.

~just this once...
She's in heaven now, this I believe.
She better be.
She's a really good people,
She raised me good,
bet You already knew.
And She believes in You.
So please please please,
I know I don't pray often, but please, just this once.
Grant me my wish...


so long...
"now I lay me down to sleep
I pray we'll meet inside my dreams
if I should go berfore I wake
I pray our souls will join again"


You've done your part
Now rest in piece, okay? :')

Comments

  1. damn i just read this. turut berduka cita yg sedalam2nya ya cav. i realy dunno what to say. just wish for the best for her and you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. thank you ario :)

    ReplyDelete

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